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Vjetėr 21-12-11, 16:18   #91
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Talking Titulli: Nice and funny stories....

Husband walks in and sees his wife watching a cooking show and says "why are you watching that? You can't cook!"
She replies "Well you watch porn, don't you?!"
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Vjetėr 06-02-12, 20:57   #92
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Gabim Titulli: Nice and funny stories....

In 1986, Peter Davies was on holiday in Kenya after graduating from Northwestern University .. On a hike through the bush, he came across a young bull elephant standing with one leg raised in the air. The elephant seemed distressed, so Peter approached it very carefully. He got down on one knee, inspected the elephants foot, and found a large piece of wood deeply embedded in it.

As carefully and as gently as he could, Peter worked the wood out with his knife, after which the elephant gingerly put down its foot.

The elephant turned to face the man, and with a rather curious look on its face, stared at him for several tense moments. Peter stood frozen, thinking of nothing else but being trampled.
Eventually the elephant trumpeted loudly, turned, and walked away.
Peter never forgot that elephant or the events of that day.

Twenty years later, Peter was walking through the Chicago Zoo with his teenaged son. As they approached the elephant enclosure, one of the creatures turned and walked over to near where Peter and his son Cameron were standing.

The large bull elephant stared at Peter, lifted its front foot off the ground, then put it down. The elephant did that several times then trumpeted loudly, all the while staring at the man.

Remembering the encounter in 1986, Peter could not help wondering if this was the same elephant. Peter summoned up his courage, climbed over the railing, and made his way into the enclosure. He walked right up to the elephant and stared back in wonder. The elephant trumpeted again, wrapped its trunk around one of Peter legs and slammed him against the railing, killing him instantly.

Probably wasn't the same elephant.
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Vjetėr 03-09-12, 19:39   #93
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Talking Titulli: Nice and funny stories....

Dear Wife, I’m writing you this letter to tell you that I’m leaving you forever. I’ve been a good man to you for 7 years & I have nothing to show for it. These last 2 weeks have been hell. ... Your boss called to tell me that you quit your job today & that was the last straw. Last week, you came home & didn’t even notice I had a new haircut, had cooked your favorite meal & even wore a brand new pair of silk boxers. You ate in 2 minutes, & went straight to sleep after watching all of your soaps. You don’t tell me you love me anymore; you don’t want sex or anything that connects us as husband & wife. Either you’re cheating on me or you don’t love me anymore; whatever the case, I’m gone. Your EX-Husband P.S. don’t try to find me. Your SISTER & I are moving away to West Virginia together! Have a great life!


Dear Ex-Husband Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter. It’s true you & I have been married for 7 years, although a good man is a far cry from what you’ve been. I watch my soaps so much because they drown out your constant whining & griping Too bad that doesn’t work. I DID notice when you got a hair cut last week, but the 1st thing that came to mind was ‘You look just like a girl!’ Since my mother raised me not to say anything if you can’t say something nice, I didn’t comment. And when you cooked my favorite meal, you must have gotten me confused with MY SISTER, because I stopped eating pork 7 years ago. About those new silk boxers: I turned away from you because the $49.99 price tag was still on them, & I prayed it was a coincidence that my sister had just borrowed $50 from me that morning. After all of this, I still loved you & felt we could work it out. So when I hit the lotto for 10 million dollars, I quit my job & bought us 2 tickets to Jamaica But when I got home you were gone.. Everything happens for a reason, I guess. I hope you have the fulfilling life you always wanted. My lawyer said that the letter you wrote ensures you won’t get a dime from me. So take care. Signed, Your Ex-Wife, Rich As Hell & Free! P.S. I don’t know if I ever told you this, but my sister Carla was born Carl. I hope that’s not a problem
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Vjetėr 05-10-12, 18:27   #94
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Gabim Titulli: Nice and funny stories....

A blonde, wanting to earn some extra money decided to hire herself out as a handy-woman and started canvassing her neighbour-hood.

She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had
any odd jobs for her to do.

"Well, I guess I could use somebody to paint my porch," he said. "How much will you charge me?"

The blonde quickly responded, "How about £50?"

The man agreed and told her that the paint and everything she would need was in the garage.

The man's wife, hearing the conversation, said to her husband, "Does she realize that our porch goes all the way around the house?"

He responded, "That's a bit cynical, isn't it?"

The wife replied, "You're right. I guess I'm starting to believe all those dumb blonde jokes ."

A short time later, the blonde handy-woman came to the door to collect her money. "You finished already?" the husband asked.

"Yes," the blonde replied, "and I had paint leftover, so I gave it two coats - no extra charge."

Impressed, the man reached into his pocket for the £50 and handed it to her.

"And by the way," the blonde added ...........
"it's not a Porch -- it's an Audi.!!!


Joke
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Vjetėr 08-10-12, 23:26   #95
lovely
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Gabim Titulli: Nice and funny stories....

Let us talk.

I know, a single word says nothing at all
but a single word, can say everything.
Still, let`s talk!
About life`s biggest question
about the rain on your face
about unimportant stones
about your wings in my eyes.

Stop!
Let`s light up another cigarette..
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Vjetėr 09-10-12, 09:23   #96
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Gabim Re: Titulli: Nice and funny stories....

Citim:
Postimi origjinal ėshtė bėrė nga Bona-us Shiko postimin
A blonde, wanting to earn some extra money decided to hire herself out as a handy-woman and started canvassing her neighbour-hood.

She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had
any odd jobs for her to do.

"Well, I guess I could use somebody to paint my porch," he said. "How much will you charge me?"

The blonde quickly responded, "How about £50?"

The man agreed and told her that the paint and everything she would need was in the garage.

The man's wife, hearing the conversation, said to her husband, "Does she realize that our porch goes all the way around the house?"

He responded, "That's a bit cynical, isn't it?"

The wife replied, "You're right. I guess I'm starting to believe all those dumb blonde jokes ."

A short time later, the blonde handy-woman came to the door to collect her money. "You finished already?" the husband asked.

"Yes," the blonde replied, "and I had paint leftover, so I gave it two coats - no extra charge."

Impressed, the man reached into his pocket for the £50 and handed it to her.

"And by the way," the blonde added ...........
"it's not a Porch -- it's an Audi.!!!


Joke


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Vjetėr 25-10-12, 22:23   #97
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Gabim Titulli: Nice and funny stories....

Great minds fuck each-other ””
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Vjetėr 06-11-12, 11:27   #98
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Gabim Titulli: Nice and funny stories....

On January 9th, a group of bikers were riding west on I-74 when they saw a girl about to jump off the Murray Baker Bridge . So they stopped.



George, their leader, a big burly man of 53, got off his Harley, walked through a group of gawkers, past the State Trooper, and said, "What are you doing?"


She said, "I'm going to commit suicide."

While he didn't want to appear "sensitive," he didn't want to miss a be-a-legend opportunity either so he asked "Well, before you jump, why don't you give me a kiss?"
So, with no hesitation at all, she leaned back over the railing and did just that. It was a long, deep, lingering kiss followed immediately by another one.
After they finished, George got approval from his biker-buddies, and the onlookers and said to her, "Wow! That was the best kiss I have ever had honey! That's a real talent you're wasting. You could be famous if you rode with me. Why are you committing suicide?"
"My parents don't like me dressing up like a girl."
It's unclear whether she jumped or was pushed.
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Vjetėr 06-11-12, 14:42   #99
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Gabim Re: Nice and funny stories....

Wrong email address:

A couple going on vacation but his wife was on a business trip so he went to the destination first and his wife would meet him the next day.

When he reached his hotel, he decided to send his wife a quick email.

Unfortunately, when typing her address, he mistyped a letter and his note was directed instead to an elderly preacher’s wife whose husband had passed away only the day before.

When the grieving widow checked her email, she took one look at the monitor, let out a piercing scream, and fell to the floor in a dead faint.

At the sound, her family rushed into the room and saw this note on the screen:

Dearest Wife,
Just got checked in. Everything prepared for your arrival tomorrow.

P.S. Sure is hot down here.
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Herėn e fundit ėshtė Redaktuar nga Dardanesha : 06-11-12 nė 14:44
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Vjetėr 02-12-12, 15:29   #100
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Gabim Titulli: Nice and funny stories....

I WISH YOU ENOUGH.

Recently, I overheard a mother and daughter in their last moments together at the airport as the daughter's departure had been announced. Standing near the security gate, they hugged and the mother said:

"I love you and I wish you enough."
...
The daughter replied, "Mom, our life together has been more than enough. Your love is all I ever needed. I wish you enough, too, Mom." They kissed and the daughter left.

The mother walked over to the window where I sat. Standing there, I could see she wanted and needed to cry.

I tried not to intrude on her privacy but she welcomed me in by asking, "Did you ever say good-bye to someone knowing it would be forever?" "Yes, I have," I replied. "Forgive me for asking but why is this a forever good-bye?"

"I am old and she lives so far away. I have challenges ahead and the reality is the next trip back will be for my funeral," she said.

When you were saying good-bye, I heard you say, "I wish you enough." May I ask what that means?"

She began to smile. "That's a wish that has been handed down from other generations. My parents used to say it to everyone." She paused a moment and looked up as if trying to remember it in detail and she smiled even more.

"When we said 'I wish you enough' we were wanting the other person to have a life filled with just enough good things to sustain them". Then turning toward me, she shared the following, reciting it from memory,

"I wish you enough sun to keep your attitude bright.

I wish you enough rain to appreciate the sun more.

I wish you enough happiness to keep your spirit alive.

I wish you enough pain so that the smallest joys in life appear much bigger.

I wish you enough gain to satisfy your wanting.

I wish you enough loss to appreciate all that you possess.

I wish you enough hellos to get you through the final good-bye."

She then began to cry and walked away.



- Author Unknown


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